Don't Call It a Comeback...It's a Work of Art

  I have to admit that I think the art of the comeback is a dying one. I mean, think about it. A good comeback has to be good, smart, and fast, but comprehensible, and not inane, unoriginal, or annoying. If you're like me, you always come up with the perfect comeback...five hours later. 
  This whole thing about the "art of the comeback" occurred to me yesterday, around quarter-to-eight-ish. What? I like to be specific. 
  I have somewhat of an acid tongue, according to my friends (one of them asked me to come up with some insults for them, and no, I'm not kidding, because I was so good at it), and occasionally I can come up with some seriously good shizzle on the fly (like the time my dad made a comment about his "guns," meaning his arm muscles, and I said right back, "Too bad they're loaded with blanks." He even admitted it was good, so that means it had to be seriously brilliant.)
  I have found a couple good examples of comebacks, and one of them is from Winston Churchill (if you don't know who he is...shame on you). He was drunk, and a woman walked up to him and said, "Mr. Prime Minister," (know what he was yet?), "you're drunk." And he looks at her and says, "Yes, I am. But in the morning I'll be sober, and you'll still be ugly." Oooooohhhhhhhh, snap!
  Another example came from watching World's Dumbest Drivers 9 on truTV last night with my family, which is what I mean by "around eight-ish." There was a cop who pulled a woman over for speeding, and she said that she didn't think they gave pretty girls tickets. And he says, completely deadpan, "We don't." He pauses and then says, "Sign here." You just got served, lady!  
  And can I just make a public service announcement before I go along my merry way here? Have fun with your smart mouth, if you have one. If you don't, don't force it. It will not end well for you, trust me. And please, for all you juvenile-minded morons out there: "Your mom" is never a good comeback, no matter what. So please, for the love of all that's holy, spew out all the venom-laced comebacks you can, as long as they're deserved, because otherwise you're just being a gigantic arsehole, and you're going to get punched by someone. It might not be right away, you might have to wait a little bit or a few years, but if you are an arsehole and ruin comebacks for everyone or dare to utter the words "your mom" without a sentence like "makes the nicest chocolate cakes I've ever tasted" or "sure does like the Partridge family" following it, you will be punched by someone somewhere. Comeback karma, baby. Comeback karma. 
  Please. For the children. Don't do it.