Where Are You, Christmas?

  Gone already, apparently. Dang, this month went by fast. Does this mean the rest of my second-to-last year in the circle of Hades known as school will drag on forever? 
  Probably. 
  But, on the plus side, I totally didn't have to go to the crappy pep rally on the last day of school before winter break, and that was because my brother and I both, um, got a really contagious disease at the exact same time, and we didn't want to be responsible for some futuristic plague breaking out at our school (it's not that we don't want it to happen, but we don't want to be the ones responsible for it happening.). That's our story and we're sticking to it, and if you say you saw us at our local mall gawping at the freaking huge Christmas tree they have there that very day, then you're a liar and need to be checked for delusions. 
  I hope that you all had a safe and happy holiday like the one that I had. Pizza, Chik-Fil-A chicken, seeing relatives, deciding to write a new version of Beauty and the Beast...it was a very productive holiday, considering I rarely do anything the rest of the year. 
  Except blog, of course. And read other blogs.

Spirit For Something

  This week is Spirit Week again in my school. When will they give up and realize nobody has any? 
  I just wanted to put that out there. I will not be blogging about the pep rally because I don't want to waste anybody's time with it. I must be psychic, because I already know how it's going to turn out: crappy. Very, very crappy. No worry, though--I shall survive it to blog another day because I'm bringing a book to read or a novel to write (one of these days, I will get one done and published. You just wait and see.). They won't steal my soul. They will never get it. They can do anything they want, but I shall never give them my spirit! That's saved for Christmas! 
  P.S.: Happy early brithday to Mark Valley (December 24th).  

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

  Lately I've noticed most people forget the real reason we have Christmas in the first place. Santa didn't start Christmas, you know. Jesus did, and God, and Mary, and if you don't like me saying that I don't want you reading my blog anyway. 
  It all started when Mary (who was, like, thirteen or fourteen, by the way, when it all Went Down) got a visit from Gabriel, and then Joseph had a dream where an angel told him to name the baby Jesus. Or, if you prefer, Joseph was walking across his lawn and he stepped on a rake he had left lying around and it came up and hit him in the face and he screamed "Jesus Christ!" 'cause, you know, it hurts when you get hit in the face with a rake, stepfather to the Son of God or not. 
  And then Mary and Joseph went to Bethlehem to be counted and taxed, and while they were there it was like Wal-Mart on Black Friday or the beach on Memorial Day--no room anywhere, even for the Mother of God (and no, I'm not going into that). So they stayed in a barn. I'm surprised Mary didn't catch an infection and, like, die. Animals live in stables. They pee and stuff in there. Ew. 
  I just wanted to remind you of this stuff. Mary had Jesus in a stable and neither died of infection. Truly a miracle. 
  Happy birthday, Jesus! I won't ask how old you are. That's rude. I'll give you this cake instead.

Ho Ho Hilarious

  Here's a spoof I thought might get you in the holiday mood--now or never, I figure. 

"I SAW MY WIFE KISSING SANTA CLAUS"

BASED ON "I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS"

I saw my wife kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night.
She didn't see me creep
Down the stairs to take a leak

She thought I was tucked
Up in our bedroom fast asleep

Then, I saw my wife tickle Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white.
Oh, what a laugh it would have been,
If my wife had only seen
Me watching her kissing Santa Claus last night!

Christmas Time is Here

  Ah, Christmas. The time of year where my mom makes cookies, my dad gets even more agitated than he already is by life, and my brother desecrates his Santa Claus hat by scrawling "Now I have a machine gun" above the "Ho Ho Ho!" pre-written on it. The time of year where they spew crap about world peace that nobody believes, people elbow each other in the face to get a doll their kids'll dump in two weeks anyway, and every show conceivable (and some not) come out with a Christmas (oh, I mean "holiday"--wait, no I don't) episode. It's the season where I beg my dad to let me go ice-skating (even though there's no place near our "apartment community" and I don't exactly know how) and bake gingerbread houses (even though we don't have the time). It's the season where I hear Twisted Sister sing "Silver Bells" and watch Christopher Chance and his merry sidekicks rampage through a mall. It's the season of giant trees, stars, carolers, and food.
  I love this Christmas-y time of year. 
  There's just so many good things about Christmas. Snow falls, if you're lucky. Santa the jolly prowler and his reindeer. Beauty and the Beast--The Enchanted Christmas. Teachers give you a break because it's the last week before Christmas vacation. Radio stations replace their usual crap with Christmas crap. Ditto for TV. 
  There's also bad things about Christmas, of course. The Dollar Tree gets so crowded that you can't breathe. Traffic. Forced socialization with certain relatives you can't stand. Things like that.
  But overall, it's a good season. My favorite, actually. And I know you're expecting me to wish it came more than once a year. But I'm not going to. I've seen the Fairly OddParents Christmas special way too many times. I know what happens when you do that. Plus, I think we all would get sick of it after that long. There's only so much love and joy you can take before you want to kill somebody, right? 

Just Check These Out

  Here's a couple of links I feel that you guys should get a chance to look at.
  This one goes to one of my close friend's Twitter account. Follow her, please! https://twitter.com/#!/BellejarRose 
  This one goes to her online writings. Check them out and support an author! http://www.teenink.com/users/MedievalMaiden
  Don't want to force anything on you; just thought that you might like 'em. And if you don't? You don't have to go back on them, okay? Don't take that attitude with me. But just give them a try, seriously. Like a teacher at my school said today: "Try anything once. But don't ask what you're eating until after you're done."
  Enjoy!

Coincidence...Or is This How Psychos Start Out?

  This will probably be a short post; I just wanted to inform you that I was thinking a while ago and realized that a whole bunch of characters that I identify with, both literary and otherwise, are either insane, outcasts, or end up deep-fried in lava somewhere (or meet other tragic endings). 
  These include: Holden Caulfield (The Catcher in the Rye); Elphaba (Wicked); Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars); Ponyboy (The Outsiders); among others.
  I'm wondering if there's a problem here. I mean, I completely identify with all of these people. Now, I'm not as concerned about, say, Ponyboy as I am Holden freaking Caulfield--the guy's a lunatic. Papers have been written on him by psychologists. And I'm sitting there reading the book and thinking, Dang, how did J.D. Salinger get inside my freaking head? That's not good, people! It's not a positive sign for my future! 
  And Anakin Skywalker? The dude's Darth Vader! And yet, every time he says something, I hear myself--when he thinks in stories, I hear my thoughts! He talks like me, he feels like me...is it just that he represents all of us, or is it that I'm a nutcase? 
  Elphaba...a smart girl, a prickly girl, intensely aware of the world around her from the day she's born, immediately an outcast. Trying to do right, failing to do anything she sets out to. Misunderstood, a loner, intentionally isolated. God, this is getting deep and slightly depressive. But it doesn't matter. She's me. 
  And I'm insane.  

Things That Make My Brain Melt

  I was having a conversation with my friend Erica recently, and we discovered that there are a lot of things that a.) make my brain melt or b.) make unicorns and glitter shoot out of my freaking head and my brain splode. Around Christmas, it seems that that happens more and more, so if you want to know exactly what makes me hoot, here's a brief list of mostly year-round melt/glitter-causers. 

1. Baby anything (well, except maybe reptiles or snakes)
2. "Something There That Wasn't There Before" from Beauty and the Beast
3. The last few minutes of Beauty and the Beast, when Belle's crying over Beast and it starts raining glittery fireworks
4. John Enos's Chihuahuas, Duke and Bruno, dressed up for Christmas (see: Twitter)
5. Mufasa and baby Simba together
6. Personal slideshows on Google Docs that perfectly showcase my insanity
7. The big romantic love song in any Disney movie
8. Kittens playing with yarn
9. Extravagant gingerbread houses
10. Kids playing in the snow
11. My little cousins playing with the wrapping paper and boxes more than the actual gift
12. A really good fairy-tale
13. The ending of "Cool Hand Guerrero," where Chance gives him a snowglobe for his son and then you see Guerrero pulling up to the house in his ElDo
14. The picture of Guerrero's son in the same episode
15. Watching people unwrap Christmas presents and being totally excited about what they get
16. Seeing that I have more than a thousand views on this blog so far.

Rebels, Misfits, Outcasts, Et Cetera

  This is simply because I watched Rudolph two nights ago and the misfit song got me thinking. Enjoy this "photo essay" on some of my favorite...well, just reread the title of this post. 

Elphaba, Wicked

The greasers, The Outsiders

Rudolph and Hermie

The Bears, The Bad News Bears

James Dean, Rebel Without a Cause

Ryder, Missionary Man

Guerrero, Human Target

Rorschach, Watchmen