You Got One Day to Live, Y'all

  Not that I believe any of that crap, or anything. I mean, the guy who came up with it (who has wayyy too much free time, if you ask me; I want whatever job he's got) said he did some complicated formula based on numbers in the Bible or whatever, but what if you got your math wrong, buddy? Multiplied where you were supposed to divide? Plugged in the wrong "X"? I mean, there's no formula in the text itself--Jesus didn't come down and say to Paul or whoever "Multiply by this and add this and subtract this and you'll come up with the date of the apocalypse." And if he did, I wanna know what Bible you're reading. And even if God or somebody told the guy what to plug in where in his magical formula, why didn't he just tell that guy the date instead? Was that too easy? Did he want that guy to have to work for it? Which kinda makes sense, because it doesn't seem like he's working on anything else, as busy as he is predicting the end of the world and the Rapture and stuff.
  One thing I heard somebody say that sounds like it might be plausible is that somewhere in the Bible or something, it says that a day is like a thousand years to the Lord and vice-versa, and that by using that they said that the apocalypse would come seven thousand years after Noah and his ark--seven days, to God. 
  Only problem? Who knows the exact date when Noah decided to go boating? They didn't exactly have weathermen back then, you know. So who knows when that seven thousand years is up?
  I have to admit, sometimes if I let myself think about it too hard, I get a little freaked out because of all the high-level earthquakes that have been happening all over the world lately (Japan, anyone?) and the flooding down in the Bayou, but I comfort myself by knowing that I could pick any random date, claim to support it with some complicated mathematical theory, and there will be some people who will believe me. Sure, maybe they're all insane or impressionable children or something, but they believe me.
  So, no, I don't quite think that we're gonna be yanked into Heaven or whatever tomorrow, but just in case, I've planned out a party for you guys, just in case I'm wrong. 
  Get everybody you know together in one place somewhere. It could be a mansion or a field, it doesn't really matter. You're all gonna die anyway. So get them together and then let them know what you really think of them. Build a stage and get a megaphone. Climb a tree and shout it out. Go a little crazy. It's understandable. Those "best friends" you put up with every time you're forced to see them? Tell 'em you hate 'em. Tell your crush you love 'em. Just don't stalk or shoot anyone, please. Get things off your chest, just don't stab things into theirs. 
  And then, if anybody's still hanging around once you get done letting them have it, you need to DANCE! And, to help you get the fun(k) started, I've compiled a nifty playlist of some songs that are sure to get the groove going. 

• Armor for Sleep, "The End of the World"
• R.E.M, "It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" 
• Prince, "1999"
• Jay Sean/Nicki Minaj, "2012" 
• Britney Spears, "Til the World Ends"

  These are just some suggestions to get you started. Feel free to add your own and take away at will. Try throwing in some gospel and singing along if you're worried about your chances with the Big Guy Upstairs. I recommend "Sky Full of Angels" (you know it; it was in the movie Jericho...wait, maybe you don't) or something like that. And you should watch a movie to add to the fun. I recommend Vanishing on Seventh Street (of course you've never heard of it, you losers. You're not cool like me. Kidding. I'm not that cool), which kinda fits in with the whole theme of "destruction and evil and vanishing people" here. 
  And speaking of "cool," don't forget the refreshments. Kool-Aid is always nice....
  Have fun!
  Think about this, though, before you go too nuts: You decide to go skydiving for the first and last time in your life, and as you're up there, the ground cracks open and the fires of Hell explode out of it. What an oh-crap moment. What do you do? Pull your chute and burn to death, or try to steer away so you land on the ground and go "splat"? What a quandary.
  Also, if the world does not end and your teacher asks for your weekend homework on Monday, is "I thought we were going to die" a good excuse? 
  And If I'm wrong and the world does explode tomorrow in smoke and Antichrist-scented fire, and I'm somehow left behind, do I still have to go to school on Monday?