Welcome Back

  All right, so we didn't all die and the world didn't explode in fire and blood last Saturday. What, you wanted it to? What's wrong with you?! Then you couldn't read my blog!
  Can I admit something here? For, like, a minute or two that day, I did in fact freak out in my head a little bit, because for a sec there it looked like Old Crazy Guy's--I believe that's his formal title--prediction might actually have some truth to it. I don't know where you were when we were all supposed to be Raptured and everything (the DJ I listen to in the morning, Elvis Duran, was taking a nap and woke up at six-oh-five), but I for one, NiteOwl, your faithful blogger, was in my room, listening to the Rapture Hour (five til six) on WYSP, a radio station in my area. The tagline for that hour? "Getting you ready for the end of the world...or dinner." They played some good shiitake, too--how long has it been since you heard Iron Maiden's "The Number of the Beast"? Plus, there was the almost-prerequisite Guns 'N Roses "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" cover. To my disappointment, though, I did not hear "Sympathy for the Devil." The world is ending, WYSP--I need my Stones, man! And what an appropriate selection to end the world to, I might add. Unless you really really like "Dandelion." 
  But where was I? No, really, where was I? Oh, yes. I was in my room. WYSP. The Rapture Hour. All that fun stuff. 
  All day, it had been bright and sunny--very cheerful, for the potential end of the world. That was why I had my blinds down as I sat on my bed writing, so I wouldn't get sunburned. Don't laugh--it's happened to me before, on my shoulders and stuff. I'm not saying very bad--it stung, though. 
  Anyway, even with the blinds down and the time, it was plenty bright out, so I got confused when, at ten of six, my shadow got longer on my paper and I realized it was getting harder for me to see my words. Then I decided to pull my blinds up and see if there was, like, a mutant badger-man standing in front of my window and blocking out my sun, so as I grasped the pull-strings for my blinds and yanked 'em up, I heard the DJ on the radio say, "All right, looking out my window right now from the top of the studio and the sky just got creepy as hell outside." Just as I looked. Duh-Duh-Dunnh. 
  And it was, in fact, "creepy as hell" outside. Thick gray clouds had rolled in, and the sky was light gray. I got a little freaked and went out to the living room. All I said was, "Dad...?"
  And he said "I know" and then told me to take the trash out.
  Great. The world was ending and I still couldn't escape my chores. 
  I passed my brother as I took my bag out; he was coming back from taking his out and I said, "Ten minutes, dude."
  And he said, "Great" and left me. 
  Cool. We were all--maybe--gonna die and he had just left me. 
  Well, I knew where he was going. 
  But, as you can tell, six came and went, with nothing worse than some rain. All right, so maybe rain has never brought good things in the Bible, but we obviously didn't die, because I can tell you right now, I am most definitely not blogging from my laptop in Heaven. I'm not even on a laptop. 
  You think Heaven gets good WiFi?