Just a Quick Note on Best Friends

    I have the best friends in the world. I know everybody says that, but I do. And I have come up with a few slogans--after some internet research on one of said best friends' phone--that apply to them. Try them on your friends. I'm not saying that if they don't fit they're not your true friends, but...Hmmm, makes you wonder a little, doesn't it? And if not, then, well, you probably deserve the friends you have. Go iron your polo shirt, you...

•  A friend will come bail you out of jail at three in the morning. A true friend will be sitting next to you in the cell going "Dang, that was fun!" 
• Friends can have fun with you without going to jail. True best friends can make going to jail fun. 
• When you cry, friends cry. When you're happy, friends are happy. When you're mad, friends are mad. When you jump off a bridge, true friends wave and say "Bye!"
• Friends will drive around town with you because they have nothing better to do. True friends will drive cross-country with you on a crazed, doomed-to-fail revenge mission just for the heck of it.
• Friends will, should you be captured by a hostile enemy dictatorship, write letter to Amnesty International to petition for your release. True friends will somehow acquire a tank, armored Humvee, or monster truck, and crash through the walls of the prison to bust you out, no matter how many people they have to run over to do it (I can totally see my one friend, my Honorary First Follower, doing this for me in her mom's friend's monster truck--what? The friend owes her mom a favor, anyway--heck, I can see my follower's mom doing it because she's cool like that, mostly because I can see myself getting captured by a hostile enemy dictator in the first place.). 

    There was another cool, true one I found that involves moving and moving bodies, but I think you can basically figure out that one on your own, can't you? I mean, I made it pretty blatant.
   So, today, when you're hanging out, ask your friends what they would do should any of the above things happen to you, and carefully consider their answer (for the second bullet, falling or being thrown into a hole would also be an acceptable scenario. I'd at least throw down some food and water for them, and then laugh--no, wait, I'd be laughing the whole time. Never mind.). And as for me? I know where I'll be...a hostile enemy dictatorship's prison, waiting for my friends to show up in that monster truck. Because I know they will. Uh, guys...?
   You?  

It's Just a "Regular Show"

  I don't know how many people out there regularly watch Cartoon Network, but those of you who do should have at least heard something about their Monday-night cartoon Regular Show, about a slacker blue jay (Mordecai) and raccoon (Rigby), for whom a simple job is never just a simple job. Looking for cake nearly causes their immortal friend, Skips, to finally die. Setting up chairs for a birthday party in the park they work in leads to having to destroy a video-game monster they accidentally released into the world and who is hell-bent on destroying it. And these are, yes, all true examples. Some of my favorite scenes and, um, incidents? The Joe Esposito "You're the Best"-set workout montage in "Death Punchies;" the possessed British taxi cab in "Ello Gov'ner;" and the go-kart-racing-unicorn explosion (yes, I'm serious) in "The Unicorns Have Got to Go." The whole hole-in-the-wall thing in "The Power" (which contains a magic keyboard that Rigby stole from a wizard who was taking a pee break in some bushes in the park)--"I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP LOOKING AT MY MOM!"--was great. After you watch a couple episodes (they run about fifteen minutes long each), you just start to wonder what you've been snorting. And isn't that the greatest gift a show can give you?

  Haven't seen it yet? Here's an episode to get you started: 
  http://www.yidio.com/show/regular-show/season-1/episode-13/links.html
  "Ello, Gov'ner"
  Trust me. It'll make sense once you watch it.

Follow You Follow Me

  Just a quick note here...My friend tried to follow me on this website, but her computer crashed before she could. That makes her the HONORARY FIRST FOLLOWER. And if you try to take that honor from her, she'll beat it back from you. 
  You're welcome, buddy. See you tommorow. 

Does This Make Sense to Anybody?

  I have a primo example of how stupid my school is. Or maybe they're just mean. I haven't quite figured it out yet.
  Anyway, a few months ago they were absolutely bugging out, going crazy, telling us that we HAD to take the practice PSAT they were offering--for just fifty-something bucks, I think--to guarantee a successful future. We HAD to take it, otherwise, we would fail miserably at everything else we tried to do and would end up broke and on heroin and dead by the time we were seventeen (some of us are seventeen NOW. That didn't seem to matter to them, though). It was all, "Academic progress insures your future duh duh duh duh duh. Blah, blah, broke, dead, on drugs, yada yada." So a bunch of the weaker, easily-influenced kids ponyed up the money and took it at seven-thirty on a Saturday morning, a time that does not actually exist to us, bring your own pencils and calculators. And then they were all reassured, because, sure, they were out fifty bucks--more, I think--and they had wasted a Saturday morning, but they sure as heck wouldn't end up dead in a gutter with a needle sticking out of their arm if they got a B on this thing.
  Jeez. And they say peer pressure is bad?
  And then, two weeks later, the county college offers another practice one.
  For free this time.
  Now, can anybody out there please explain to me what the freak that is? The school couldn't have waited two weeks and let us know about it? I mean, when it came time for it, we got one flyer about the free one and that was it. They absolutely inundated us with information about theirs. What are they, insecure or something? The poor little kid on the playground who has no friends, and sells you candy after school for a dollar before you can find out that they sell it for fifty cents at the store next door, then takes your money and runs? What is that, people?  
  By-the-by, I didn't take it. I think that means I have only a few more years to live. It was nice blogging to you all.    

Yo. Lay Off Ames.

  That's my status on gmail. Really. And it has to be. You know why? Because there are people out there who just won't. And that, dude, makes me want to barf up my lunch. 
  Ames is human. We all are. And that means that she will, like the rest of us, make mistakes from time to time. Honestly, she is not as bad a character as Pucci woman. She, at least, doesn't make goo-goo eyes at Chance until I, yet again, want to barf. Pucci woman is worse because she is annoying without being directly annoying, which means she's like an itch you have in your brain that starts out small but gets worse and worse and you can't figure out what's wrong until you see her again and everything clicks into place. Hey, that's the reason my brain is itching! And at least Ames has the jerichos to be annoying to your face!
  So, yeah. Not as bad as Pucci woman.
  And it's not even really her fault. People are annoyed with her because she is trying to be like Guerrero, all tough-girl and stuff, but I for one think it's cute. Like, last month, when she was trying to interrogate John Doe to see if he was really lying about not being able to remember anything and Guerrero walks in and says, "What are you doing?" and Ames says, "Nothin'," and he just walks away. He knew, and we did to. And it was cute. You have to give her some time to develop, people, and just leave her alone til then. After all, it's not her fault the writers can't write her confidently. She's just learning how to walk here, so to speak. What, did you push your kids down when they were learning how to walk? No? Then why would you do it to her? 
  Just give her some time. I bet that soon, real soon, she'll pull off a really cool trick of explosive awesomeness that'll make you gasp for air and say, "Wow! I should have listened to what that girl with the blog said, and not dissed Ames so much!"
  Yeah. You'll see.  

Plea

  I'm not talking just to hear myself talk here. Will somebody find a way to comment on this shizzle?    Oh, and by the way, I have a poll up. Somebody besides my family wanna vote on it, please?
  Love ya!

Not Trying to Freak Anyone out, But...

Did you guys hear about the bird thing in Arkansas and Louisiana and stuff? And how the dead birds' insides were all completely liquefied? And how all the dead fish randomly washed up on shore at the same time? Well, my English teacher just assigned us "The Masque of the Red Death" by Poe, and that reminded me of all the research on the plague (or Black Death, whichever you prefer) that I had to do for a story I'm writing--do not judge me--, and the first sign that the plague had reached a town was all the rats running up from the sewers and dying in the streets. Make of this whatever you will. I'm just trying to be helpful and informative. 

  The places weren't that near each other. And the dead fish washing up on shore at the same time? 

  I'm going to go start fortifying my castle now. Anyone care to join me?