Yes, I'm serious. President Barack Hussein Obama is, in a fact, a Sith Lord--and none other than the beloved Chancellor Palpatine.
I know, I know, I know what you're thinking. I know you think I've lost whatever little bit of my mind I have left. That I've completely cracked and gone 'round the bend and whatever other cliche you can think of--basically that I belong in Ward C on Shutter Island. And maybe I do and maybe I don't, but either way, you have the right to think it, especially because you have enough evidence to back you up--just as I have enough evidence to back my theory up, nutso or not.
Parallel No. 1: After he began his political career, every record of Palpatine's life mysteriously disappeared: his upbringing, his education, his family history, where he lived, and so on. The man became a complete ghost, and nobody knew anything about his past, where he had come from, and what he had done. This sounds frighteningly familiar when you consider that basically everything in our dear leader's memoirs is a complete lie, and nobody from his past (ex-girlfriends, classmates, teachers, et cetera) has stepped forward at any point in his presidency to reveal anything about his life before he reached the Senate. Suspicious, considering how during Bush's presidency the media dug up everyone and everything they could on him, from grade-school teachers to childhood friends and drinking buddies, and as soon as Obama steps into office nothing can be found on him other than what he says--most of which is utterly and completely untrue or embellished. So let's see: No records can be had of either of them before they assumed political office. And speaking of political office, let's see how they got theirs, shall we?
Parallel No. 2: As seen in The Phantom Menace (by those who can stand to watch it, and yes, I can), Palpatine begins as a Senator from his home planet of Naboo, and nearing the end of the movie becomes Supreme Chancellor because of a vote by the Senate. Earlier, he had convinced Queen Amidala to call for a vote of no confidence against the then-Chancellor, Valorum. He basically says that Valorum is not a strong leader who will be able to help the Republic through the crisis in which it finds itself, and that a new leader is needed to help guide them and set them right again. It's no surprise, then, that he is nominated, among several others, and wins the office of Supreme Chancellor. If you all remember, during Obama's campaign for presidency his main theme, besides the economy, was that McCain was just another Bush and that wasn't what our country needed to fix everything that sucked. I wonder where I've heard that kind of bent before...? Obama kept pressing the fact that he thought McCain was going to be just like Bush and continue us down the road Bush had put us on, and that he was the perfect leader to fix everything that was wrong (notwithstanding that he just made everything worse...but that's another post). A Senator saying that more of the same is what the nation doesn't need and that his leadership is? Hmmm...
Parallel No. 3: Every good argument needs at least three strong reasons to back it up (thank you, eleven-honors English class), and here's my third. In Palpatine's office--where the walls were painted blood-red, by the way; you think somebody would've realize sooner exactly what he was--he has a mural all around the room depicting a Jedi-Sith battle. He chose to surround himself in office with something that reflected who and what he was. Obama did the same thing when he assumed office by surrounding himself with advisers and cabinet members who are Communist Marxist radicalists just like him. They may not be a wall mural, but they surround him just as the Jedi-Sith battle and red walls surrounded Palpatine. They share the same ideology he does even though he doesn't come out and say it outright but instead through his actions, much in the same way the Sith art expresses Palpatine's beliefs without him walking around with a red lightsaber hanging off his belt all the time.
So yeah, maybe I'm crazy. But maybe I'm not. Maybe this is more than simple, eerie coincidence. And maybe, just maybe, we're under the control of Supreme Chancellor Obamatine.
Put that on your Shutter Island and electro-shock it.
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