Buying A House Next To Somebody's Because of Who They Are is Stalker Behavior

  My dad says I'm a stalker, but he's joking. I'm not like some people (cough, cough, reporter who's renting the house next to Sarah Palin's) who would commit the aforementioned stalker-like behavior. 
  But first, in case you are one of those idiots who use the word "stalker" every time somebody calls you more than once (even though you are, you know, biology partners or something, and have a project to do), or have been living under a rock and just don't know what it means, let's check out what Google says the definition is, shall we?  

stalk·er/ˈstôkər/Noun 

1. A person who stealthily hunts or pursues an animal or another person.

2. A person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention.

  Now, unless your biology partner is parking his car across the street from your house at six at night and waiting for you to come home (at eleven), he is probably not a stalker. He probably just, you know, wants to get an A.
  Not everybody who looks at you is going to kill you and shove your body in the back of their van, all right? Deflate your ego a little bit. I've heard it's healthy. 
  I am not a stalker. I just wanted to bring this to your attention, readers, for I have found another flaming case of Idiocy (not from my brother's blog this time) that I feel the burning need to address. For those of you who need some help comprehending this, I have compiled a list of what is and is not stalker behavior. Next time that person says hi to you in the hallway, now you can say hi back without worrying they are going to follow you for ten years and then gut you like a fish. 
  You're welcome. 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: Somebody you've offered to lead to Atlantic City follows you there in their car.
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: Somebody you've told repeatedly to get away from you follows you to Atlantic City in their car. 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: A classmate asks you out and is sad when you reject them.
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: A classmate asks you out and leaves you repeated, disturbing notes and phone messages when you reject them. 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: Your new friend draws a portrait of you for art class.
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: Your new friend creates a sculpture of you for art class...out of their chewed gum, and then takes it home and creates a shrine for it in their closet. 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: Somebody invites you out to dinner. 
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: Someone ties you up and drags you to dinner at their house (unless they're your in-laws, trying to get you to finally come over because they don't think you've actually got the flu for the eleventh time in a month. Then it's normal. And try "the plague" next time. They won't wanna come within ten feet of ya.). 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: You give a new friend your address, and they randomly show up at your place one day for a visit. 
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: Your new friend shows up randomly for a visit...when you didn't give them your address. 
  See? That's the kinda stuff you should be watching out for. *Sigh* I didn't think I would have to actually teach you this stuff. But I guess I do. *Double Sigh*
  And if you just realized you've been doing this but you are really a nice person, get off the freaking internet and try actually interacting with a real person so you can break these habits, you piece of human...
  Sorry. I meant to say that I feel for you, and practice makes perfect. Maybe one day you'll be able to talk to someone without them screaming in panic and calling the cops. 
  *Sigh* Wouldn't that be nice? 
  And please, people. If somebody across the street looks at you once, don't pull out the pepper spray right away, all right? Because that crap hurts. 
  Not that I would know...
  *Insert innocent whistle here*
  By the way, that's stalker behavior, too. Nobody who whistles so casually is up to anything good. 
  *Delete innocent whistle because I am not a stalker* 
  Whew. That was close.