Freddy vs. Jason 3: It's Not Over Yet

  Last week, my brother went on his blog for the first time in months, and what does he do? He goes on a rant disputing my rant about the two muchachos named above. All right, fine. If he wants to play it this way, then SO BE IT. His destruction hath been wrought by his own hand. So sayeth NiteOwl. So let it be typed, so let it be done.

  Here's what he so eloquently wrote (and yes, he also stole my title for the post, the rip-off artist; all misspellings and grammatical errors have been copied verbatim from the original and will be underlined, to give you readers a chuckle): 

Fist of all, i'm sorry that i was away for so long and i appreciate whoever is still reading this. Now, i just read my sister's blog and i must say, i wish she would just shut the f*** up because i like Jason better then Freddy Cougar- i mean Kruger. Hey F*** Face, (that's what i'm going to call you from now on live with it) has it ever occurred to you that Kruger is the name of George's boss on Seinfeld? I mean, i cant take FK seriously anymore. Not that i ever did. I mean, come on. If Jacky Earle Haley played Jason, you'd be all over him like stink on a monkey (come to think of it, FK probably smells like one too). Anyway, Freddy blows. He has to wait until you fall asleep so he can kill you. Jason doesn't. He can kill you whenever he wants. So ha. And a machete totally beats the sh** out of a gardener's glove with a few sharp things on it. Oooh. If i had a face like Freddy's i'd have to hide in shame. I would suggest a hockey mask but that was already taken by a good horror movie character. I know i was a Freddy fan but i switched to Jason, but how does that make me a band wagoner? I'm just curious. (and totally off topic, i would just like to say that i am dissapointed in the Scream movies. I thought he was a ghost type thingy. But he turned out to be a dude in a mask. But i digress) I admit that the movie Jason X was silly but most movie series have bad movies. Take Star Wars episode II: Attack of the Clones for example. Ew. So to conclude all this, in the epic battle of Freddy vs Jason, the man with the mask will emerge victorious.
  Beautiful, ain't it? He really put my in my place. Now let me put him in his. 
  First of all (see, I can spell "first" correctly--that's an immediate point for me), he spelled "Krueger" wrong. Usually when you tear into somebody, you make sure you can spell their name right so you don't look like an idiot. It's not that hard. Just Google it, dude. Jeez. 
  Also, you might want to make sure you can spell the name of the actor right, too. And you don't even have to Google that one, dude. It's scattered all over my blog. 
  So what if "Krueger" is the name of George's boss? "Vorhees" is also the name of a town here in Jersey. And a car dealership.
  I never said Freddy smells good, dude. He probably smells like overcooked bacon or something. So that doesn't bother me, if that was supposed to.
  As I recall, in at least one of his movies, Freddy does step back into the real world for a bit. And in the ending of the new one, where he jumps out of the mirror and kills a girl's mom. And it's not the fact that he can't kill you in waking life that's amazing, but the fact that he can go into your dreams and make you kill yourself like he did with the kid who plays Emmett Cullen is. Can Jason do that? Goal for me (insult to injury). 
  Freddy does not hide in shame (unlike J-Vor). And he doesn't have to. He puts his ugly face out there to terrify the living crap out of you. That's a true horror movie villain, one who shoves his ugly face right into yours and says "This is who I am and, like it or not, you're about to get killed by me." 
  You're right. I shouldn't have said that you're a "bandwagoner." I should have said that you are a flip-flop fan who has no real attachment to your chosen horror-movie killer and will switch sides without a second sequel thought. 
  When you're ranting about something, you really shouldn't go off and rant about something else entirely. It just makes you seem insane. Which you are anyway. But still. They don't need to know that. 
  I never said that the Freddy movies were Oscar movies, bro. I just said that Freddy is better than Jason. 
  Episode II is not crap. 
  So to conclude all this, just saying that your guy will win doesn't mean he will. In your stupid and grammatically incorrect ramble, you didn't give one concrete reason that Jason is better than Freddy. Yeah, sure, maybe it was Jason holding Freddy's severed head at the end (?) of their rumble in Hell, but it was Freddy who winked at the camera. As I am winking now at your utter failure, like I have a piece of pulp in my eye. 
  *Wink wink wink*
   
   

Dog Food

  Hello, people; I'm back! You probably...didn't even notice I was gone, huh? Either that, or you were getting ticked off that I wasn't posting. Well, I'll tell ya why: I was trying to get published. No dice yet, but I'm hoping for something by the end of the year. I'm posting now to let you know that a.) I'm not dead in my nest and b.) I'm having a domestic issue that I want to let you guys know about.

  You may be wondering why, exactly, this post is called "Dog Food," considering I don't have a dog (I probably would, except that our "apartment community" charges you extra rent if you have a pet of any kind. Even a gerbil or fish. Dang "apartment community"). It's because we are going to start rewatching all the old Disney animated movies at my house--Saturday we watched Aladdin, and yes, I smiled like a drunken romantic sea lion all through "A Whole New World" like I used to, and Abu was still as monkey-awesome as you remember--, and Dad and I disagree on a few (he likes Cinderella and I don't; I like Sleeping Beauty and he can't stand it--we could have a real debate on this stuff if he would ever get around to POSTING AGAIN ON HERE...hint hint, Dad), and the largest one is Lady and the Tramp. He refuses to watch it.

  I love Lady and the Tramp. "Pidge," "Miss Laaaady-ma'am," the spaghetti-and-meatballs thing (but that might just be because I'm flaming Italiano), all of it. Dad...doesn't. I don't know why; he just doesn't like it. And that would be fine because I'm a firm believer that everybody is entitled to their own opinion on things, except that because he's Dad and he doesn't like it, we're not watching it. I mean, I barely squeaked Pocahontas by him, and that's a fifty/fifty chance on that one. He might just make me watch it on my own. But because he likes Bambi, we're watching it at some point. And it's not that I don't like Bambi, because I do, but I don't feel like crying my eyes out like a drunken depressed sea lion, which I always have and always will do when I watch it. 

  Peg? The Siamese cats? The spaghetti and meatballs? How can you not want to watch it? Or at least go through with it for your daughter, who is going to go through Bambi for you?

  Now I'm a drunken angry sea lion. Roar.