- When you're out on your first date, be selfless. For example, give her the last meatball on the plate. (Lady and the Tramp)
- If you do something wrong and she gets upset with you, do something sincere (and sincerely awesome) to regain her favor. For example, saving her, her father, and their kingdom from an evil, power-hungry dirtball. (Aladdin)
- Be absolutely perfect in every way possible and prove to her that not everyone in the world is "petty and dishonest." (Hercules)
- Find out what she likes and give her a gift relating to it, only so over-the-top her head will explode with happiness (not literally). For example, if she likes to read, give her an entire library. (Beauty and the Beast)
- Give up your immortality for her. (Hercules)
- Have legs. (The Little Mermaid)
- If you come upon her lying dead in a glass coffin in the middle of the woods, surrounded by seven little men, kiss her and wake her up. (Snow White and the Seven Dwarves)
- If you come upon her lying asleep in a tall tower, kiss her and wake her up. (Sleeping Beauty)
- Wear a loincloth and surf on tree limbs, and live with a family of gorillas. (Tarzan)
- Take your place as the true king of your pride (The Lion King)
- If your mother wants you to use your girlfriend so you can kill her father, turn your back on your own family (bonus points: no annoying mother-in-law for her!). (The Lion King II: Simba's Pride)
- Don't be such a grump about everything. If she wants a Christmas, give her the Christmas she's always wanted. (Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas)
- Steal from the rich and give to the poor. Like a boss. (Robin Hood)
- Even if you think she's betrayed you, don't lock her up for all eternity in your dungeon until you have the full story. (Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas)
- Kick butt. (Mulan)
Happy Valentine's Day! I can't believe you actually need Disney advice to get a girlfriend, but okay, I guess!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO,
NiteOwl
