Freddy vs. Jason 2

  No, they're not remaking it or doing a sequel, as far as I know (although I'm not saying I don't want them to, Jackie "The Freaking Man" Earle Haley vs. whoever the heck played Jason in that remake several years ago, wouldn't that be cool?); my brother and I just made up a little fight of our own--namely, the one we've been having every morning for the past four days while we've been waiting for school to start, while my friend Erica looks on and finds the situation humorous. 
  In this corner...
  Me, with my undying (get it?) support and fan-love for Freddy Krueger and his b------g glove. I mean, I have always been on the Freddy side of the Freddy-Jason debate, even before JEH pulled on the sweater. I just thought he was cooler, and the man formerly known as Kelly Leak only cemented that further in my head, messed-up as it is. I mean, Freddy can kill you in your dreams. What's Jason got? A hockey mask and a machete. Big deal. So what if he came back from the dead? So did Freddy--and Freddy shows his horribly mutilated face proudly. He doesn't hide behind a mask. He has a cool hat. And, for the most part, the movies had a thread of continuity to them--didn't Jason drown in the end of one movie, and then in the next followed a group of teens to an island or whatever it was by swimming behind their boat? What, did he take swimming lessons while he was dead or something? I mean, seriously, dude. Can you or can't you? Only your director knows for sure.
  Plus, Freddy has his own freaking theme song (which I have memorized and will one day use as a ringtone when I actually have a cell phone--I don't have one yet, and never have. That's truly scary, dream-killer or not). "One, two, Freddy's coming for you..." Jason has, oh, yeah, "Jason Jason Jason...kill kill kill..." I mean, compare that, bro-dude. 
  In this corner...
  My younger brother, with his on/off fanship of the murderous goalie who has the same name as one of my uncles. You see, he never really had an emotional stake in the game, and that's fine, I don't hate him for that; it's kind of like what I would do if the Red Sox play the Phillies in the World Series, seeing as I kind of hate both teams. Like, a lot. But anyway. I digress. Then one day my brother likes Jason, but we don't really talk about it that much. Fine again. When we do, though, he is strictly pro-Jason. Then one day (about the time the Nightmare on Elm Street remake comes out), my brother decides to go Freddy. This is even better with me, as you know my stance on this. He's been pro-Freddy ever since then...or, at least, until we go to school one day (Monday, actually), and he drops a line about how much Freddy "sucks" (direct quote here). 
  Yes, that's why I'm writing this post. Because my brother is a stupidface bandwagonner who can't stick to one side and has apparently no emotional attachment to whoever he likes that time because he drops them like a piece of hot iron whenever he feels like it. 
  That's why I think Freddy would win. Because he's got--well, maybe not God on his side (sorry, had to get a Eurythmics quote in here), but he's got me, and I'm backing him up to the final nightmare. What does Jason have? A mask, a machete, and my brother Flipsy, who clearly doesn't really give a crap about his champion. Freddy's got a sweater, a glove, and NiteOwl, who will never, ever back down from my belief about his superiority. 
  Clearly, Freddy wins. 

    

vs.

Whose side are YOU on?

Weird Al 2.0 Rising

  As you've probably been able to guess by now, I have a hobby of spoofing songs--both popular and obscure--just like Weird Al Yankovic, and sometimes the Weird Al in me just has to come out, or I'll bust. Well, this is one of those times.
  I watch World's Dumbest quite a bit, and among the D-listers and burnouts who comment there is a certain Leif Garrett, who is famous for...well, I guess getting arrested at a subway station with heroin in his shoe, stoned out of his freaking mind. So that inspired me to write this--the idea came to me while listening to Sunday at the Seventies last weekend or so on 98.1 WOGL. So, here ya go.

ONE TOKE OVER THE LINE (LEIF GARRETT'S)

Based on "One Toke Over the Line"

by Brewer and Shipley

One toke over the line Leif Garrett's
One toke over the line
Busted downtown in a subway station
One toke over the line

Awaitin' for the train that goes home, or somethin'
No ticket for that train or sense of time
Busted downtown in a subway station
One toke over the line

Whaaaat is he on, you know it's white lady
He's been dopin', as you can plainly see
  He felt the joy and he'll learn about the pain that the cops said
  Because he's chosen to make smack a part of him, surely strike him dead
Now he's one toke over the line Leif Garrett's
One toke over the line
Busted downtown in a railway station
One toke over the line
No ticket for the train and he ain't goin' home Leif Garrett's

Ain't got no sense of time

Busted downtown in a railway station
One toke over the line

  He went away for a little while,
Now he's returnin' with a drugged-up smile
He comments on dumb videos and gave himself a few
And to his surprise like everything else he's been through
It opened up his eyes but still he's

One toke over the line Leif Garrett's
One toke over the line
Busted downtown in a subway station
Don't you just know he's got no ticket for the train and he ain't goin' home Leif Garrett's

Ain't got no sense of time
Busted downtown in a subway station
One toke over the line

Don't you just know he's got no ticket for the train and he ain't goin' home Leif Garrett's
Ain't got no sense of time
Busted downtown in a subway station
One toke over the line

You know he's got to be
One toke over the line Leif Garrett's
One toke over the line
Busted downtown in a subway station
One toke over the line
Don't you just know he's got no ticket for the train and he ain't goin' home Leif Garrett's
Ain't got no sense of time
Busted downtown in a subway station
One toke over the line
Busted downtown in a subway station
One toke over line
One toke, one toke over the line

School's Back In Session

  Well, I'm back in school, and aside from the fact that I actually have to go, it's not too bad. I have some cool classes (like ceramics, finally--I've only been asking for it for three years now) and in English, we had to write a fairy tale, which I just finished, which is freaking sweet. I'm not going to bore you with a rundown of my classes; I just wanted to say that once I'm there, I'm good (but I can't wait to get gone. See, Miss Keller? There's some alliteration for ya). Also, my brother (who still shall remain nameless) started seventh grade in my school (albeit in a separate wing) and I'm kind of his guide, and stuff. Like Saca-freaking-gawea, or something. Except I have a red-and-plaid backpack on my back instead of a baby, and I ride a bus instead of canoeing down a river. But other than that? Same thing. 
  I really hate going to school. But once I'm there, it's not that bad. 
  *sound of me screaming as I'm dragged against my will onto the school bus*
  Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!
  I don't wanna go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Somebody Call the Freaking Tooth Fairy, Will Ya?

  Well, I got my four wisdom teeth yanked out, and I won't go into detail because thinking about it just brings the trauma back, and because I want you to read without having to run to the bathroom to throw up, so just let me say that it hurt. A lot. A whole heck of a lot, and I wasn't even as out of it as they had said I would be. But, at first, I was pretty numb, and so I didn't realize that when I went to wipe what I thought was some drool off my upper lip it was actually blood until I opened my mouth to tell Mom that I needed the rag she had brought with her and more "drool" dripped down into my hand and I looked down and saw blood waterfalling out. Fun, right? And at first, I couldn't even swallow because my mouth was so pugged up, so I couldn't take my pain meds until a few hours had passed. So, basically, all I could do was curl up on the couch with a stuffed dog and cry and spit blood into a bucket.
  And that's how I spent the last week of my summer vacation, basically. How was yours?  

Ninety-Fourever Shall You Rock!

  Deceased: 94 WYSP, Friday, September second, along with things like the Extreme Team, the Danny Bonaduce morning show, Mandatory Metallica, Eight from the Eighties (etc.), at three P.M. It went peacefully, with one last "THANK YOU, PHILLY!" and Metallica's "Fade to Black" its funeral hymn. WYSP, which stood for "Your Station Philadelphia," was known for playing "the rock you grew up with" and is fondly remembered by many. Up to the end they kept a smile on their face, thanking the listeners and reminiscing on the good old times, even bringing back some of their old DJs, such as Tommy Conwell, to join in. And, for the first and only time, Boyz II Men were played, as the second-to-last song on Spike's afternoon show. 
  Thank you, WYSP. 

"FADE TO BLACK"

BY METALLICA

Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Can't stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

*Goodbye*