Buying A House Next To Somebody's Because of Who They Are is Stalker Behavior

  My dad says I'm a stalker, but he's joking. I'm not like some people (cough, cough, reporter who's renting the house next to Sarah Palin's) who would commit the aforementioned stalker-like behavior. 
  But first, in case you are one of those idiots who use the word "stalker" every time somebody calls you more than once (even though you are, you know, biology partners or something, and have a project to do), or have been living under a rock and just don't know what it means, let's check out what Google says the definition is, shall we?  

stalk·er/ˈstôkər/Noun 

1. A person who stealthily hunts or pursues an animal or another person.

2. A person who harasses or persecutes someone with unwanted and obsessive attention.

  Now, unless your biology partner is parking his car across the street from your house at six at night and waiting for you to come home (at eleven), he is probably not a stalker. He probably just, you know, wants to get an A.
  Not everybody who looks at you is going to kill you and shove your body in the back of their van, all right? Deflate your ego a little bit. I've heard it's healthy. 
  I am not a stalker. I just wanted to bring this to your attention, readers, for I have found another flaming case of Idiocy (not from my brother's blog this time) that I feel the burning need to address. For those of you who need some help comprehending this, I have compiled a list of what is and is not stalker behavior. Next time that person says hi to you in the hallway, now you can say hi back without worrying they are going to follow you for ten years and then gut you like a fish. 
  You're welcome. 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: Somebody you've offered to lead to Atlantic City follows you there in their car.
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: Somebody you've told repeatedly to get away from you follows you to Atlantic City in their car. 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: A classmate asks you out and is sad when you reject them.
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: A classmate asks you out and leaves you repeated, disturbing notes and phone messages when you reject them. 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: Your new friend draws a portrait of you for art class.
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: Your new friend creates a sculpture of you for art class...out of their chewed gum, and then takes it home and creates a shrine for it in their closet. 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: Somebody invites you out to dinner. 
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: Someone ties you up and drags you to dinner at their house (unless they're your in-laws, trying to get you to finally come over because they don't think you've actually got the flu for the eleventh time in a month. Then it's normal. And try "the plague" next time. They won't wanna come within ten feet of ya.). 
  NORMAL BEHAVIOR: You give a new friend your address, and they randomly show up at your place one day for a visit. 
  STALKER BEHAVIOR: Your new friend shows up randomly for a visit...when you didn't give them your address. 
  See? That's the kinda stuff you should be watching out for. *Sigh* I didn't think I would have to actually teach you this stuff. But I guess I do. *Double Sigh*
  And if you just realized you've been doing this but you are really a nice person, get off the freaking internet and try actually interacting with a real person so you can break these habits, you piece of human...
  Sorry. I meant to say that I feel for you, and practice makes perfect. Maybe one day you'll be able to talk to someone without them screaming in panic and calling the cops. 
  *Sigh* Wouldn't that be nice? 
  And please, people. If somebody across the street looks at you once, don't pull out the pepper spray right away, all right? Because that crap hurts. 
  Not that I would know...
  *Insert innocent whistle here*
  By the way, that's stalker behavior, too. Nobody who whistles so casually is up to anything good. 
  *Delete innocent whistle because I am not a stalker* 
  Whew. That was close. 
 
   

Pep Rallies Aren't Fun When They Suck

  Just got out of what was, quite possibly, the worst pep rally ever to be had at my school, and that's saying something. It was, to put it bluntly, crap, and full of absolute suck. It was disorganized, nobody knew what was going on then, and the best part came when the freshman turds were decimated in tug of war (I was counting. It took no more than ten seconds for them all to fall in a purple heap of lameness, purple being the freshman color. Sophomores were red, hence the color of this post). 
  I hate freshmen.
  Let me explain something. In the whole history of my school, they have been the low guys on the totem pole, so to speak. They come in last at pep rallies, they're the last to leave, they're booed often and with great ferocity. Often things are thrown at them. 
  This is no longer the way of things.
  Oh, it was last year when all my friends and I were freshmen--then, we had to do the Walk of Shame every time, and suck it up, and duck when wadded-up paper was thrown at us during it. I firmly believe that doing that helped to make us the wonderful people we are today. However, my friends and I have noticed a horrific trend growing. During the fall pep rally, the freshmeat were called in moments after the sophomores, thereby giving us only a few precious seconds of chanting "Go home freshmen" and booing them. The chants were weak during the rally itself (which seems to have little connection to our actual, sucky sports teams, go figure), and we were often stopped when we tried to start them up again. 
  The winter pep rally, same deal, only worse. This time, freshmeat and sophomores were called in at the same time, and ushered in through the same door. This meant the juniors' and seniors' chants were weak, and nothing was thrown, because they might risk hitting us. The chants were ill-conceived and barely said. 
  This time? The same time again, and we barely booed them once. In fact, their "Go home seniors" chant had more firepower than our "boos." And that's sad.
  We were also the last to leave, which is just not how it's supposed to be. 
  But I'm not just mad about the freshmen thing, no. I'm ticked because the whole pep rally just sucked. The activities were few and far between, and poorly done, and nobody knew what was supposed to happen when. You could tell it was held together with, like, Popsicle sticks and glue, metaphorically speaking, and we were all just waiting for it to come apart. 
  The only good part was Random Bio Teacher.
  Let me explain. 
  In the beginning of the week, a collection was taken up: Whichever class's bucket had the most money in it by the end of the week, their advisers would be duct taped to a chair. The senior class adviser was my bio teacher, and everybody dropped money in the bucket for him (there is a rumor going around that I happen to believe that a twenty was dropped in the bucket to ensure him winning) and he was duct taped to a spinny chair and had Easter bunny ears on his head, and he was completely at the mercy of whoever happened to grab his chair and push, or pull, or spin. He was pulled off to the side or in corners during the weak activities, and then pulled out, spun around, whatever, during slow moments.
  He was out there a lot. 
  And it was really funny, and we all had to laugh when we saw him. I don't know how many people saw this part, but my friends and I did: Once, when he was spun into the corner near us, he mouthed "help" at one of our advisers. 
  Man, it was so funny. That's probably the only thing from these so-called "pep rallies" that I will actually put in my senior memories in the yearbook.
  The rest of you? You suck.
  And go home, freshmen. 

Talkin' 'Bout the Bad Girls, Yeah

  Here's part two, as promised: GIRLS WHO KICK BUTT

  AMANDA WHURLITZER, THE BAD NEWS BEARS (SEE: KELLY LEAK)

  ALICE CULLEN, TWILIGHT

  PADME' AMIDALA, STAR WARS

  NALA, THE LION KING

  JEAN GREY, X-MEN

  PRINCESS LEIA, STAR WARS

  JOAN JETT, THE RUNAWAYS

  P.S.- And speaking of girls who kick butt, here's a day-late happy birthday to my twin buddies, Harley and Sarah, who kick almost as much butt as me =) HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


 

Bad Boys Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do, Whatcha Gonna Do When I Blog About You?

  Sometimes in film, certain characters come along that define the term "badass." Here are some of those characters. 
  KELLY LEAK, BAD NEWS BEARS (1976; WE ALL KNOW THE NEW ONE DOESN'T COUNT)

  MUTT WILLIAMS, INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (YEAH, THIS ONE DOES)

  CAPTAIN KIRK, STAR TREK

  ASLAN THE LION, THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA

  INDIANA JONES

   
  PATCHES O'HOULIHAN, DODGEBALL

   
  DEWEY THE BEAR, SEMI-PRO

  E.B., HOP

  
  DIEGO, ICE AGE 

  ANAKIN SKYWALKER, STAR WARS (YOU KNOW. BEFORE HE GOT ALL EVIL AND EVERYTHING.)

  And because girls kick butt too, there's a part two. Next time.


   

Things That Are Underrated--A List, By NiteOwl

  Things that are underrated:

• Jackie Earle Haley
• putting French fries and chicken McNuggets in your mouth at the same and chewing them together
• Dewey the Bear
• being semi-pro
• the movie Hop
• the Dirty Heads
• the first season of Human Target
• sour candy
• Starburst jelly beans
• coloring pictures
• sleeping in really really late
• drive-in movie theaters
• the book Shutter Island
• the song "I'll Be Here for a While" by Townes Van Zandt
• running barefoot through grass
• going swimming in the ocean
• playing with baby animals
• not worrying about wrecking your diet and eating a whole pizza and following it with cake and soda
• the seventies
• going on a scavenger hunt
• having a blog 
• you guys! 
• the old west
• historical fiction
• psychological horror
• twist endings 
• horror movies
• horror novels 
• not understanding what the heck just happened 
• skipping 

  And more..... 

Heeeere's NiteOwl!

  Sorry I haven't been here in a while; it was not of my choice to ignore you, so don't get offended (God, you're so sensitive!). Truth was, I was grounded, and then my grounding was extended...It's a long, messy story that will no doubt bore you to tears. I mean, it's not like I went to jail for attempted murder or anything, so let's move on, shall we?
  Thanks for having me. It's great to be back, folks. Like the new background? I like jelly beans, plus it's April and we all need a little spring in our lives right now. So smile, and wait eagerly for my next post...
  ...which will hopefully not be from prison.